Q&A: Professional & Waiting

Today: I am going to try to answer a question that one of my mentees had asked that I address. The question goes like this –

“What to do whilst waiting for marriage. From a single professional female’s perspective. People keep saying “Pretty, you are single and ready, what are you doing to meet guys etc..”? Honestly used to just think, he’ll meet me doing the things I do (church, work, hanging out with friends). Now I’m trying to be more proactive and doing other things e.g Spanish lessons, but not sure if that’s the way either. Plus I often get wierded out when a guy approaches me saying “baby you look sexy….” The “lets-be-friends-first” approach works better for me….”

I get asked the question often and truth be told, I am not an expert. Infact I have made so many stupid mistakes ehn.. Thank God for God who has saved me multiple times without end.  With that said, I do believe I got a lot of lessons from the mistakes I’ve made and from the revelation of God’s word, and I’m happy to share them with you when needed.

Now real talk – As born again sisters, there is something we all need to have ingrained in our DNA – God’s ways are higher than our ways, and God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts. – Gbam!

wayshigher

Once that registers, then we can ask God to fine tune our spiritual antennas so we can hear from Him and then order our steps in the direction He wants us to go.  I am not sure I’ll be able to answer the entire question today but lets see how far the Holy Spirit takes us.

I wanted to flag a couple of things from the posed question.

#1 When people say you are ready it does not mean God said you are ready. – Finishing school and having a job does not automatically make you wife material. Does it show a sense of maturity and independence? Yes. And that’s exactly what it is, a maturity indicator. One of the many indicators for marriage preparation. With that said, the next time you pray, ask God this question- “Lord am I ready for marriage? If I am, please open my eyes and guide my path to receive the man who you have prepared for me. If I am not, reveal to me the areas that I need to work on to get ready and guide me through the journey of preparation.

#2 Put value on your time. I liken our roles in relationships the way we are physically created ( female anatomy). We physically created to receive in order to produce. Given that our production is based on what we receive, I want to assume that we will be guarded and highly selective of who we allow in our environment. In other words how we spend our time and who we spend our time with becomes super critical especially as a single woman. I am yet to meet someone who happily wants to be called a “bad producer”. With that said positioning yourself to be seen has to be led by the Holy Spirit. And while the Holy Spirit is leading you, spend your time doing the things you enjoy that adds value to your life overall. If you are picking up classes or hobbies that are of no interest to you but for the purpose of putting yourself out there, girl you will drive yourself to depression. You will just get exhausted and irritated.

#3 Enjoy being single. Enjoy spending time all by yourself for days, weeks, months and years. Intrigue yourself without the help of anybody. I am sure you’ve heard this multiple times and I will reiterate it again. If you can be single and happy, then you are equipping yourself to survive the lonely days in Marriage because those days do come and could last for a decent amount of time. If you can enjoy your single days, then you won’t give too much emphasis on what you could have done if you were still single after being married. If you don’t enjoy single life, your regrets after being married becomes far more exaggerated which takes its toll on you dims the hope of having a better marriage. Marriage is work and you have to be ready for it. It’s an institution- meaning non-stop learning, testing, recalibrating and re-engaging.

…… ok let this sink in. I will be back with more thoughts.

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